A few months ago we decided to take a break on using fertility medication. I used Clomid, Prometrium, Estrogen and Estradiol then moved to Vitex for a more natural approach but nothing worked and the prescription meds made me feel like an insane gorilla.
I didn't like what it did to me, which in turn affected US which is definitely not worth it to me.
There is a thought that has plagued me from the beginning of this journey...At what point are we trying to play God? What if I am not meant to carry a child?
The thought that I may never carry a child brought instantaneous tears several months ago...but as I sit here today, there are no tears, only a familiar tug at my heart. I started to battle those tears a few months ago because I had always knew I was meant to be a mom...but what if the thought of wanting to carry a child was only out of feelings and not necessity? Maybe I am not "meant" to have a biological child.
Trying to differentiate between emotions and reality can be a muddled, messy adventure in tears, but I am glad I started the journey.
What I have learned is that if Michael and I would love a child we found on the side of the road, what is causing me to feel like I need to bear a child?
Here is what i came up with;
Would I miss the biological bond? Does the bonding period of carrying a child or breast feeding make or break motherhood?
The answers that I kept coming to were a resounding "no." Of course there is importance in those bonds but I know with 100% certainty that Michael and I would not love or care for a child any less if he or she does not have our genes. In fact we started joking about all of our families issues, wondering why we would want to have a biological child in the first place :)
So here we are, about to attend an orientation in a few days to start the fost/adopt process and we could not be more excited.
