I don't want to feel this way. My dream would be to be completely content with knowing "when its our time" we will be parents. I wish, pray, beg that I could believe that 100% of the time.
This frustrating sense of failure and incompetence is exhausting and robs the day of any sunshine. It cheapens the blessings we do share. It wastes minutes, hours, days that we will never get back.
But it doesn't just stop with that knowledge. It sneaks up with a stupid pregnancy announcement. (which when you are infertile they all are and are all stupid. sorry, but it's true ). It pokes at you like thousands of needles as you plan a baby shower. It embodies a vice, suffocating you as family and friends say their ridiculous "helpful" statements. It makes you want to scream when parents talk about you being the lucky one or pregnant people try to make you feel better. It makes wonderful time such as Christmas feel lacking and void of what should or could be.
It makes you see a second line on a pregnancy test after staring at the stick for five minutes without blinking.
But most importantly...it makes you feel less like a human being.
