I went from feeling like we were in gridlock on the freeway to being detoured through a bad part of town.
Clomid did not work. My levels were doubled, but still incredibly low meaning once again no ovulation.
I immediately knew we would not try it again right away. We were already apprehensive to increase it before and agreed to take a break if it didn't work again.
Stating that and accepting that are two very different things.
One of the reasons I did not want to go on Clomid again is because it makes me a raving lunatic. Crying randomly and in a dark place it was not fun for me or Michael. I truly believe it reacted with me badly due to past issues with depression so since it didn't help me ovulate I knew it wasn't worth it.
Two months later and I finally feel free from the claw of Clomid which is wonderful! (all about silver lining's right now). I am focusing on getting healthier and since I had a miscarriage at 20 pounds lighter 4 years ago, there is a possibility I will ovulate on my own when lighter.
Clomid not working brought about the discussion of adoption again and while I am 100% excited for that idea, I am pained to not be able to provide a child for Michael. he says that's ok and that he would love any child as his own...it's still a feeling of failure on my part. I do know however, that those are feelings I need to deal with and process.
Can't I just reach a certain age and not need to improve or learn anything?
:)
Also, I went on Metformin to assist in possibly balancing hormones and maybe weight loss but guess what...I freakin' GAINED. I had thoughts of ovulating on this medication, losing weight, etc. and now I am trying to lose the weight it put on. Thanks body, for being so predictably difficult.
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