Goosfraba

After my last post of wallowing self pity and anger, and after deciding running away would only be a temporary fix, I  somewhat came to my senses.

It's a difficult tightrope act between being in pain and being positive...and sometimes I fall off.
But, it's about how you get back up right?

I went to the doctor recently and apparently I missed my window to be put on Clomid for last month. There was a gap in communication and we needed to start anew this month in December.

After feeling how nuts I was last month and knowing it would be worse after being put on Clomid, I decided to start this process January first, to allow the Christmas season to pass as hormone free as possible and to allow myself some time to start an exercise routine and get on a healthier track.

So we have started juicing to get all the veggies needed and have started to slowly incorporate exercising again...it wasn't an easy decision to put this off for a month, but I think it was the right one.


In a store this past weekend Michael was all smiles and playing with this cute little girl in a cart in front of us which melted my heart and made me want to cry all at the same time. He is ready to be a father, and will make an amazing one when God decides it is time for us.

Done. Just. Done.

A friend of ours suffered a miscarriage. I cried, sent kind words...knowing how hard that pain can be.

Miracle of all miracles they just found out that they didn't have a miscarriage and that they are having a baby boy. Hallelujah.

Now I can't lie and say that there isn't a pang of jealousy...its an ugly truth, and I fight it so that it doesn't overwhelm, but it is there.

That is not what bothered me though.

He put in the comment that "enterlastnamehere's aren't quitters and they don't give up, even when they're tiny."

Really.

does this mean that ever woman who has suffered through a miscarriage or other loss of child has been a quitter or is only the baby a quitter?

I am not narcissistic enough to think that people need to cater to me with every thought and post...but how dare you be so crass.

I. I just can't today.

Up yours Rockwell

As a maternal person, I gravitate towards nannying/babysitting, and have a few families I am working for occasionally right now.

Last night I had a job for a family with a 2 month old baby boy and a 17th month old girl, the parents went out for a Christmas party so I needed to put the little ones to sleep and then work on my homework.

There I am, sitting on the couch, the baby is in the swing after taking a bottle, and the little girl is snuggled up on me to go to sleep. There is a fire going and a sitcom on TV and I am rubbing her back as her breathing slows in to slumber...and all I wanted to do was cry.